It's interesting and strange how humans react to situations in their lives. Some run to the freezer and straight into the throws of Hagen-Das ice cream where a lifetime of woe will sit heavily on the hips. Others crawl into bed and stay there draped in covers until the day when boredom overtakes them, only then to jump up to meet the new day. Goths usually prefer to "experience" tragedy in all its glory.
When I was in college, I went through a traumatic marital breakup. It was one of those scary times when one needs to draw inward to find an altered strength. After about three hazy days, I realized that I had not eaten anything. My first thought was… ready for this? Porridge. That's right, the boiled variety.
I went to the market and bought long cooking Oats, Cream of Rice, and some other something that I never could eat nor remember the name though it was like Grits - yet another taste I have not acquired. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner were, as I called it, "Time for gruel." I basically took myself out of this time and lived in another. No heat; only candlelight and cold water. Porridge and poetry were my sustenance. How melodramatic!
Yet, it was an authentic experience. By drawing away from the frenzy of electronics and machinery, and subsisting on the barest of resources, I could actually feel the ache in my cells. Only then did that quiet voice emerge. It was that voice that heals, that causes the mind to overcome the mediocre sideways movement of atoms, and creates pathways to living better. In austerity, I found calm.
Goths tend to find these unique visions by experiencing agony. Though many find a need to manufacture pain, I find there are plenty of sorrowful experiences if one waits long enough. The question is: how well do you fall in order to rise again?
Copyright © 2006 The Gothic Gourmet
